I hate how my mum tried to use an isolated case of news to stop me from travelling alone. Even when I am 7000 miles away from my mum, she is still attempting to exert control over my life out of her proclaimed love for me. When will parents ever start to let go and trust their kids?
What I have learned is to never ever confide my plans and aspirations with my mum because everything that I want to try, she would thwart my confidence with her acerbic comments which are disguised as love and concern.
My mum is a fearmonger. She tried to use an article about a solo female traveller gone missing to stop me from travelling alone as I am debuting on my journey to explore the World.
If I were to pick up my mum’s behaviour, should I start sending news of airplane crashes to warn cabin crews of the risk of flying? Should I start sending news of women dying while giving birth to my mum to justify my decision not to have kids right now?
This is the problem of being blindsided by the news and not focusing on the full statistical data. Granted, the data on the number of mishaps happening to travellers in a year may not be easily accessible by a lay person. However, one can possibly infer and extrapolate that the probability of a traveller getting into trouble is probably quite small if insurance companies are willing to insure the risk while trying to make a profit.
“You could be that one in a million,” so she said. In life, if you do not take some risks, what is life worth living for?
“I am just worried for you,” my mum will often remind me. So do I. I worry how you may get trapped in a fire accident the way you are hoarding things at home. I worry how you may suffer from food poisoning by not cleaning out your fridge regularly. I worry as much for you as you do for me. But are you doing anything to change these less-than-ideal habits of yours?
“You are not a mum and you will not understand how I feel,” my mum often rebuts in every argument we have. The inability to let go of your worries for your grown kids is pushing me further away from wanting to have kids. I do not want to get embroiled in the karmic cycle of constantly having to worry for my kids even till my grave. I want to be able to trust the decisions made by my children.
By doing that to me, my mum is distancing me from her. I am really worried about my relationship with my mum when my dad is no longer around to defuse the tension. I love my mum but I am not sure if my need for positivity and support will allow me to withstand all her criticism and biased opinions?
When I was 21-year-old, she hid my passport so that I could not travel to Cambodia with a friend. Right now, I am 32-year-old, living far away from her, and she still tries to exert her dominance over my life, using filial piety as a guilt trip.
Despite all these, I still love my mum very much. I love her so much that I am trying to find a middle ground on how not to be rude to my mum while defending my self-confidence and self-esteem.
Thank you mum for giving me the impetus to pen another piece of article to learn and heal. It is at times like this that I am glad my mum is not yet a competent English reader. And no, you will not see this article translated into Mandarin!